Growing Pains

Tomorrow is John's 30th birthday. We have so much to celebrate- sure, it's a landmark year, but more than that, I want to recognize John's incredible growth as a person and all that we've overcome since his 29th birthday.

This year John and I have struggled through some pretty huge challenges. The life of an entrepreneur is difficult and stressful. Business partners leave, clients don't pay, and every little task falls to you. That stress, plus the natural ebbs and flows of clinical depression, have led to the worst depression that John has ever experienced. So many people suffer from depression, many of my dear friends and family members, and I am lucky to not have that particular trial in my life. However, being the spouse of someone with depression is a uniquely painful challenge. To see your most cherished friend and partner in so much pain and not be able to fix it is incredibly hard. It's also difficult to find the right balance with everything- How much do I sympathize and empathize and make allowances? How much do I encourage and push? The line between what is helpful and what is hurtful is very, very thin.

I do feel blessed that the social stigma about mental illness is lessening every day. It is REAL and it is serious. But it's still hard for me to admit our struggles publicly sometimes. Why should I be reluctant to talk about it? If my husband had cancer, would I be so reticent to reach out to friends and family for support? It's an ongoing battle in my head- the desire to "save face" and the desire to share openly are dueling. (Sharing openly is winning recently...)

I am so happy to say that he is doing much better now (after lifestyle, business, and medication changes). I feel like Spring is arriving in Utah and in our life simultaneously. We are so blessed and we feel supported by our family and friends and can say we have truly seen the Lord's hand in our lives. After a lot of prayer and contemplation, we decided to move on from Comma Development as a full-time business and for Johnny to seek a new job. Luckily, he's found a company that is just like what he wanted his own company to become- a fun environment of talented individuals working on interesting projects. It's called Code>Greene. We feel so lucky to be associated with them. John and Richard (our incredibly patient and wonderful business partner and brother-in-law) will continue to keep Comma Development as side business.

I'm looking forward to a new year, a new decade of life for us and especially for John.