Life as a SAHP

(28 weeks pregnant)

I have now officially become a SAHP (Stay at Home Prego) (just like TAMN!) It's a little weird to not have school or work starting up again in the new year like everyone else. I am not attending school this semester because the Cub is due in March which would leave me with about a month's worth of classes left. (Some people can still swing having a newborn, possibly PPD, and a ton of finals- I am pretty confidant that I am not one of those people.) I have some time on my hands. (FYI- I am not completely idle. A lot of my time is spent taking care of my parents' house and remodeling projects while they are away for three years.)

I saw my cousins the other day when I picked them up from the airport. Their parents live in Chicago but they all live in Provo, either attending BYU or working. We don't often see each other, so we were chatting and catching up. Then came the inevitable question, "So what are you up to these days?" I thought for a minute about how I have been spending my time recently and I realized that my job is to drive people to and from the airport. I have been six times in the last month.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want my life to be like. I am excited to be a stay at home mom when this baby comes. I am determined to finish my degree. I want to keep my connections in the political field in case I decide to return to working at a later time.

Here's an excerpt from an email I wrote to Cat yesterday on this very topic:

I'm keeping busy with house projects and putting away Christmas stuff but I keep having this feeling of being left behind. It's hard to see everyone getting ready to go back to school and work and feeling left out of that. I know soon enough I will have a full time job of being a mom but for now I just feel out of it. John's sister and her friend came over last night because they are starting a business and needed John's help with a website. They stayed for about two hours brainstorming names and ideas with me. I felt like I really helped them with their business plan and it felt great to be involved in something new and exciting. Then they left. And I realized it's not really my project. As helpful as I can be as a resource for the people around me, I don't have a "thing" of my own.

I sound a lot sadder in this email than I really am. I'm just more contemplative- trying to figure out what I want my niche to be, what I want my contribution to life to be. I am super excited to become a mom but I know that I will still always crave a project that is all my own. I'm just doing some thinking about what I want that to be, where I want to spend my energy and how I can develop my talents.

I imagine that this is a familiar feeling to many of you- trying to figure out what your contribution to life will be and how to find personal fulfillment. I think at any time of transition (graduation, job change, baby arrival, marriage, mission completion) there comes an opportunity for self-reflection and perhaps a subsequent redefinition of self.

My question to you as I continue to explore this subject is, "What brings you self-fulfillment in your life?" I would love to hear about how you arrived where you are and what your journey was like (or still is) along the way.