Hard day, good ending, lots of gratitude

4/28/15

Today was not a particularly easy day. In fact, most of the day was pretty rough. But it ended well, so I wanted to document it.

I'm not sleeping well these days, because the kids take turns waking up at night. Last night was a particularly bad one, with George and Charlie both waking up a few times in the night. I got my period for the first time since having Bonnie- a little TMI for the blog, but it accurately paints the picture of how I was feeling- grumpy and uncomfortable and bloated. I was behind on laundry so I wore ill-fitting and unflattering clothes all day, just enough to make me feel frumpy and gross.

A rough morning led to the decision to just keep Charlie home from school- a mental health day for him and for me. He'd had a bad day yesterday and the school called me to take him home early. So I just gave him and me a break from the morning get-to-school grind.

The rest of the day was busy and crazy- emailing with his school, doTERRA emails, texts, and planning, housework, making dinner to take to two families tonight, teaching preschool co-op (six 3 and 4 year olds, plus Bonnie and Charlie.)

There were fun and good moments, but for the most part, my day with Charlie wasn't very positive. During his ABA therapy today, he wouldn't comply about using the iPad for only 6 minutes at a time, balanced with 6 minutes of work at the table. This led to an hour of crying and whining and yelling and "stupid, mama!" or "You're fired!" I was well supported during this time because our ABA tutor, Scott, was here, but it still wasn't pleasant. He was able to pull out of it and have a "break" of just playtime- he and Scott built some pretty impressive LEGO contraptions.

I had a headache, but still got the dinner made and even went to the grocery store for last minute dinner items (thanks to help from my Mom and Dad so I didn't have to take all the kids with me).
I had a doTERRA class tonight I was supposed to attend (luckily not mine to teach) but I decided to skip it and just take care of myself and my family. My beloved and favorite babysitter, Abby, arrived so I could take the dinners I'd made to the people who I'd promised them to. John was at URUG, a monthly computer programmer user group that is his "out" and fun recharging time.

Taking the dinners was pleasant- it felt good to be of service and also spend time chatting with my friend and admiring her beautiful twins who are a month old.

I came home to the boys playing in the backyard and Bonnie crying in her bed, trying to go to sleep. I had some dinner while chatting with Abby and was so grateful for her supportive presence. She cleaned up my cooking mess, did the dishes and had fed the kids. I went in to nurse Bonnie in total peace, knowing the boys were being watched. Abby helped me get the kids in pajamas and teeth brushed and in bed. Then I finally got them settled and started my routine of singing to them and staying with them until they fall asleep.

Charlie was having a harder time than usual settling down, so I stood by his bunk bed (he's on the top bunk) and tickled his head and arms while singing to him. In his sweet, quiet way, with his gorgeous eyes looking at me, he started gently rubbing my arm and face, returning my tickles and cuddles. He got sleepier and sleepier, but he persisted, gently caressing my arm. He is so sweet and his soul yearns for connection, especially with me. And yet, connecting is often the thing he struggles with the most. I'm so grateful for that moment and all the other tender, wonderful, amazing moments I get to have with Charlie. My relationship with him is so precious to me because it is so hard-won.