A letter to my firstborn before the second born arrives

Dear Charlie-

Right now we are sitting on my bed watching Yo Gabba Gabba together. You have a sippy of lemonade and a cup of goldfish crackers. I shared my drink with you and in return you are sharing your snack with me. You aren't satisfied just sitting next to me, you want to lean on my shoulder, lay on my leg, and sit on my lap and I am eating it up. We're laughing at the funny songs together.

Yesterday as we were driving in the car with Dad, you were telling us all the things you saw out the window, including a "big truck green garbage." Yes, my dear, that was indeed a big, green, garbage truck. I love hearing your little thoughts come out more and more as you acquire the language necessary to communicate them with me.

When you are all done with your food and you want to get down, you say, "All done, hold you, all done, hold you," over and over again. Requests for "hold you" and "help you" are common throughout the day and I will be sad when you learn to use the proper pronoun.

You are suddenly much more interested in whether or not we are watching you play. You'll call for me (MamaMamaMama) or Dad (Da-ee, Da-ee, Da-ee) incessantly until we respond. Often the only thing you want to tell us is "watch!" or "wooghk" (look). You have a very German-sounding "k".

You love shaking hands with people and saying, "Nice to meet you!" or "I'm Charlie."

You are busy, interested, and strong which keeps me on my toes all the time. Now that I'm in the final two weeks of this pregnancy, it is really hard to keep up with you. Lifting you, my big boy, (or bending over, or sitting on the floor to play) gives me quite the bout with sciatica that never really goes away. But avoiding lifting you altogether is almost impossible.

You've adjusted pretty well to the new house although many days you still don't take a nap. This worries your mom quite a lot because we both still need it.

I worry about bringing a new little baby into our balanced life- some days it feels perfect. Will you feel displaced? I just have to trust that you will still feel secure and loved and that all our efforts to help you feel that way will be successful.

We're talking a lot about the new baby and helping and big boys vs. little babies, and I just don't know how much of it is sinking in. I hope it clicks for you once there is a little brother around.

Charlie, my darling, you taught me how to be a mother, thank you for letting me be your Mama. I love you.