(this post originally appeared on the blog All Time Ever, of which our birth photographer is a collaborator).
I was watching the CEO play kickball when the contractions really started coming. I’d been in early labor for a week, but each time the growing pressure waves had me thinking that the baby was really coming, they would wane again. I had been anxiously anticipating this baby’s arrival, feeling unprepared and unsure of my capabilities in parenting three small children. I tried my best to work through those feelings and by 39 weeks gestation, I finally felt a measure of peace and that I was ready. My husband, John, was about to start a new job and had a week off before his first day. My sister was in town for a visit, and my brother and his family were about to move across the country. Timing was perfect. I began using natural methods to induce labor. True to conventional wisdom, nothing worked. The baby wasn’t ready. After a few days of feeling sorry for myself, I let go of any expectations of when she would come. My due date came and went. At five days past my due date, and with still no baby, I found myself available to sit on the grass at my husband’s company party, watching a group of successful professionals play a child’s schoolyard game.
As we left the party to go home, I told our friends that the baby would be born that night or tomorrow. I had said those very words several times before in the last few weeks, but this time I knew I was right. We went to bed early, around 10 pm- we would need to get as much sleep as possible. My contractions were about 10 minutes apart and they had a slight edge to them. I was able to sleep through the night, only waking once or twice with contractions and needing to use the restroom. A really powerful, uncomfortable one woke me up around 5:30 am. I got out of bed, got a drink of water, used the restroom and went back to sleep for an hour. At 6:30 am, I woke again with a painful contraction and this time, I was really awake. My 5-year-old, Charlie, had wandered into my bed in the middle of the night, so I left him sleeping and went to the restroom again. I met my husband in the hall and told him that today was the day. I had a couple of contractions on the commode and I was already feeling quite uncomfortable. When I came out of the bathroom, John was resting on the couch. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was go time, and to call the midwife and tell her we are coming.
The next hour is a blur. I remember John asking me an occasional question as he made phone calls, gathered the bags, and packed the car. At some point, his mom, Sue, arrived to watch our other children, Charlie and his 3-year-old brother, George. I laid on the couch with my headphones in my ears listening to Hypnobabies scripts. I felt in control of the discomfort with my self-hypnosis techniques, but just barely. I was a little worried that I would not be able to maintain it through a long labor. (This was my second non-medicated birth and during the last one I was completely comfortable until my water broke at 9 centimeters. My first birth I attempted to go without medication, but eventually requested an epidural at 6 cm).
It was time to go to The Birth Center, but I felt like I wasn’t getting enough of a break between contractions to walk. I think I had five or six just from the couch to the car. The car ride was only about 5 minutes, but it was extremely uncomfortable. Walking into the birth suite seemed impossible, but I leaned on John and let him take as much of my weight as he could. He would continue to be physically there for me during every second of labor. He crouched behind me in the tub, doing hip presses on my back and hips to help give counter pressure and open up my pelvis. The next day his arms and legs were so sore from the effort!
We arrived about 7:30 am. The two midwives, Heather and Adrienne, and the birth assistant, Eva, bustled around me quietly, taking vital signs, listening to the baby’s heartbeat, filling the birth tub. I finally got to get in the tub- heaven! The weightlessness and warmth eased the pain by several levels. The Hypnobabies scripts were now playing over the room’s speakers and I zoned out and relaxed as much as I could. I moaned and breathed through each contraction, feeling pain, but for the most part staying calm. The midwives went across to the other part of the birth center to see their clients for the day but Eva could tell that the baby was coming- the contractions were right on top of each other- so she called them back.
My mind was full but I know I didn’t articulate many of my thoughts. I mostly remember feeling intense discomfort and worrying that I wouldn’t have the stamina to make it to the end. I didn’t realize how close I was! At one point, I could feel the baby shifting inside me, as she twisted her way through the birth canal. Very soon after that, I started losing my nice, low “ahhh” moans. I was crying out but I never actually made it to screaming. (Our birth photographer, Megan, told me that she only heard me yelp once.) With all my babies, I have never felt the “urge” to push, I just get to a point where I’m kind of desperate for relief and it occurs to me to try pushing. I was scared, and that I didn’t know if I could do it. Adrienne was a soothing presence, gently telling me that I was capable and that the baby was right there, ready to come. She encouraged me to reach down and feel the baby’s head starting to crown. That was equal parts reassuring and terrifying- how was that huge head going to fit out of me? I was on my knees, leaning on the edge of the tub for most of labor, but when I started to push, I tried to stand up a little bit! I think I was trying to escape. John and the midwives quickly reminded me to get down and very soon after that, her head started to come out. She was a big baby and it definitely took a lot of work to get her here. I think I pushed several times for her head to come out. Adrienne was practically bent upside down over the edge of the tub with a hand mirror so she could see what was going on under the water. She encouraged me, telling me the inch by inch progress I was making with each herculean effort- first her forehead, then her chin, and her hand that was next to her chin. Her shoulders were slightly wedged, so they had me flip over to my back, leaning into John so I was in a better position. Another huge push and her shoulders were born. At this point, most babies just slide out, but this baby was big! Adrienne told me to push her chest out and I remember thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
Finally she came and Adrienne told me to reach down and catch her. I was completely spent and I couldn’t even lift my arms. Adrienne caught her and brought her to my chest. I held our daughter and I was so grateful for John, supporting both of us in his arms. It was the most exquisite feeling ever- joy and relief and exhaustion and love intermingled in a huge wash of oxytocin. I couldn’t believe I did it and she was actually here! She was born at 9:14 am, a fast and intense labor.
The baby was suctioned while still on my chest. After a few minutes of holding our baby in the warm water, the umbilical cord was cut and she was taken a few feet away to the bed to be more thoroughly suctioned and checked over. She was my biggest baby so far, weighing 9 pounds and 7.5 ounces, and 21 inches in length.
The placenta came easily and without complications. John showered and changed while I was assisted into the bed. I was checked for tearing and had none, despite the baby’s large size. The birth center only requires that you stay for five hours after the birth and then you are sent home to recover. The remarkable thing is that we are well enough and ready to do so! It’s a benefit that makes the hard work of natural childbirth worth it to me.
Throughout the birth, I was in a hazy consciousness, focusing on my hypnosis and trying to get through each contraction. For that reason alone, I have loved having these precious photos taken by Megan Turley, they fill in the rest of the story. To have those moments so perfectly captured is truly a treasure and a work of art.
We decided to name her Bonnie Rose, after my grandmother. As I rested in bed, gazing at my beautiful daughter with her huge, knowing, newborn eyes, I distinctly felt my Grandma Bonnie's presence. I know she was there with me and Bonnie and that they will have a special connection forever. We love Bonnie so much and her gentle presence in our home. She is so adored by her brothers, and she truly is our gift.
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